Adoption is something we talk about a lot at home. I guess we talk about it for several reasons.
First, we don’t want there to be an awkward moment in our lives with our children. They were older when they were adopted (2 and 4), so they are logically aware of it. But the subject will never be taboo in our home. We always want it to be an open discussion and are aware that the older they get the more details will be filled in at age appropriate times. I have heard that some adopted children are afraid to bring it up when they are in their teens (a crucial time to talk about it) simply because the conversation had been taboo in the past. We want to avoid that at all costs.
Secondly, we want them to know they are our miracles. We prayed for them. We cried for them. We wanted them. Every time we talk about it, we emphasize that we chose them, wanted them and they were the answer to our prayers.
All that said, we have told them what it was like here before we had kids. So, they will often ask, “Mommy, can you please tell me the story of when you didn’t have any kids?” Lately, Little Sister has been asking this A LOT.
Several times yesterday I told her the story:
Once upon a time, Mommy and Daddy didn’t have any kids. We cried and cried lots of tears because we wanted children so much. One day, we got a phone call. “Mr. and Mrs. O’Farrell, would you like to have Big Brother and Little Sister come live with you?” “Oh yes we would! That would be wonderful!” After Big Brother and Little Sister lived with us for a little while, we got another phone call. “Mr. and Mrs. O’Farrell, we want to let you know that Big Brother and Little Sister can be adopted.” “*GASP!* THEY CAN?!!! Well, yes! We want to choose them to be our son and our daughter! We want to adopt them!” And now we don’t have to cry anymore because we have Big Brother and Little Sister as gifts from God.
Every time I tell this story, the kids grin from ear to ear and want to hear the story over and over again. That tells me that they know they are loved. They know they are our gifts. I pray they will always know that even if we hadn’t had biological children, they overwhelmingly satisfied our longing for children. They were just as much a gift to us as this child in my womb is. The beauty of adoption is often put in a common phrase: They may not have been born from our womb, but they were born in our hearts. That statement is ours to share with them and is meant from the depths of our hearts.