Where Conversations Can Go. Friday, June 11, 2010

Today, I nearly cried. I know I say that a lot in my blogs, but I am just a sensitive person by nature and I honestly cry that much.  🙂

On the way home from TD’s school, totally unexpected, TD brought up something Big Boy used to say.  He used to refer to yesterday as the past.  For instance, “Yesterday, I saw my Grandma.”  In all actuality, it might have been a few weeks, but it was his way of referring to things that happened in the past.

Well, today, TD imitated his voice to a “T” and said, “Yesterday, I saw my Daddy and we played with Monster Jam.  [not her actual sentence, but just so you get the idea].”  It wasn’t what she said that brought tears to me.  It was the fact that she nailed exactly what his voice sounded like.  And I was hit with emotion instantly.  Oh, how I miss that precious little boy.  I could just picture his facial expression and ached as I thought of him.

His family has not contacted us so far.  I might have been naive to believe they would.  My conversations with his family seemed so positive.  It seemed like we had teamwork that makes the dream work.  (ha ha.)  I honestly felt like we might still get to be part of his life after he left us.  The contrary seems to be true.  I made a phone call to his Step-Grandma a few weeks after Big Boy left.  She basically told me that Big Boy does not ask to talk with us.  I mean, how obscure could that hint be not to call them again?  She told him that anytime he wants to call us, he is more than welcome to.  That is sweet, but he went through a crisis in life at the age of four.  Poor guy probably thinks that if he talks to us he would be leaving his family again.  He needs to be encouraged to maintain contact through visits with his family and our family (the whole lot of us doing something together) so he can understand that he gets to stay with his family permanently, but we can still be friends.  Of course, that is only my opinion and nothing more.  OF COURSE, his family should have the last say as to how our relationship should continue.  I guess I am just trying to say that I am disappointed that they aren’t working on continuing our relationship.  We could have been an excellent support system and long term friends.  I really believe what I am saying.  His family and ours seemed to have such a great connection.  I am bummed it didn’t work out.  Especially, on days like today when I can only remember him and not talk to him.

Oh, the places conversations can go when we least expect it.  From lighthearted banter to stings of longing for someone we love.

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