Yesterday night and early this morning, Little Boy had the same tantrums/rages we had seen in the past. Just when I was excited to think we had turned a corner, I was reminded this is a journey of healing – something that might not happen instantaneously.
I saw a friend this morning who asked me, “Are you ok? You seem like you have something weighing on your mind.” I then spilled my heart out regarding these rages.
She asked me an important/key question: “What is he like after his rage?”
My response: He is very emotional. He cries and apologizes profusely, “I am so sorry Mommy. I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to do it, I didn’t mean to do it. Please hug me. Please pray for me. [crying the whole time]” In response, after I finish praying for him, I am sure to communicate that we forgive him, he is our son, we love him and he belongs in our family. It is not ok to throw tantrums, but we will always love him in the good and in the bad.
I began to reflect on the many times I have not liked to do things the way God wanted me to. The times I haven’t obeyed. The times I have thrown a stink. Yet, when I come to my senses again – God is right there waiting for me. He has never stopped loving me and making forgiveness available for me. I am His daughter and He loves me in the good and in the bad. He has been ever merciful to me.
I must do the same for Little Boy. I must freely hand out mercy and grace – not only because we love him (which we do!) – but also because I am compelled to hand out the same mercy and grace to others that I myself have received.