I have been holding a blogging marathon today! ha ha
I have wanted to update my blog for weeks now, but have just had the worst time finding time to do it.
I think this is the first time in ancient history that we don’t have to go anywhere at all today. (ha ha – no exaggeration there, huh?!)
So much has happened – I almost don’t know where to start.
First of all, we have officially decided to adopt Little Boy and Little Sister! It has been something I think many of you have guessed from reading blog entries. We made this decision a long time ago, but wanted to wait a little bit before telling everyone. However, as time has passed, we have been telling more and more people… So why not just come out with it?!
In every way, the timing of Little Boy and Little Sister’s arrival to our home was timing from God. Just one week after Little Sister joined Little Brother in our home, I went to court and watched the judge terminate their birth parents’ rights.
It was an emotional moment to see a judge have to make that decision. I believe it was in the best interest of the children, however, the weight of such a decision stirred up such emotion in my heart. No parent, no matter their life decisions, could possibly bear the weight of hearing they are no longer a parent according to the law.
I was also hit with emotion because there were two precious kids in our care that were immediately up for adoption. This was toward the beginning of Little Boy’s time with us, however, the behavioral challenges we were facing (and still continue to face at some levels) started to rise in intensity. Our hearts broke for his past rejections and we didn’t want to reject him also. However, we weren’t sure if we were up for the job either. We were calling out for help – and many services (such as therapy) were stalling because the counties involved couldn’t decide who would pay for services. We were in a rock and a hard place. There were times we literally did not know what to do.
The term “foster child” can really play with your mind. [Let me be sure to say that we didn’t feel that we would be bad people if we asked him to be placed elsewhere. We would have experienced many emotions, but I think we are mature enough to recognize when we can or can’t handle certain behaviors.] But the term “foster child” really played with our minds. Especially on days where his rages would last four hours. Especially on days that I had run out of any creativity or patience. There were days I felt like like a wet rag that had been completely squeezed out and was left dry. Sometimes all I could do was cry.
I don’t expect for anyone reading this blog to understand or know personally the depth of our challenges with Little Boy, but the truth is – they were there.
There came a point where Jeff and I had yet another long talk about their placement with us. But this time, it was as though the wisdom of God entered our conversation. After we were done venting and sharing frustrations and concerns, we could tell that God entered our conversation. We simultaneously knew that we had to make an immediate firm decision as to whether or not the kids would remain in our home (ie: adoption) or not. Our minds were playing tricks on us. On good days, we were all going to be family together forever. On bad days, we wanted to make the dreaded phone call that we couldn’t do it anymore. We had to stop the mind games…
In our conversation, we compared it to marriage. When you are married, you don’t discuss the word “divorce” when you have a fight. That is not a card you play when you have made a decision to spend the rest of your lives together. It is an unacceptable trump card.
The same with the kids… We HAD to remove the trump card. What were we going to do? Within less than one day, our hearts told us the truth. We did not want to live life without these two precious children in our life. We decided that day that we would adopt them.
We were right in the middle of some of the most intense behaviors I have ever seen or experienced, but somehow this decision gave us strength. We didn’t resist digging our heels into the resistance because we are the ones to deal with long term results of our parenting. We had a REASON to fight for the best interest of Little Boy. It gave us resolve in the MIDDLE of the hurdles.
I know I haven’t mentioned Little Sister much in this blog entry. That is because, truth be told, she was a pretty easy decision. I really don’t want that to sound bad. But it is the truth. She is a cute little two year old who acts totally her age and was easy to say yes to. She grabbed our hearts within one minute of living here.
Now, back to the present time. We are seeing improvements with Little Boy. I feel like I can look at those days in “past tense”. We still deal with intense behaviors, however, his response to our correction is so improved that we are encouraged.
It seemed like the behaviors wanted to make the decision for us. But the love of our Christ entered in and re-focused our hearts and minds.
The way I describe our love for Little Boy is that it grew with time. We loved him at first because he was cute, because we were caring for him, because we wanted the best for him. Now, with time, we have come to love him entirely for who he is and who God made him to be. We love him challenges, victories, good days and bad days – unconditionally.
With Little Sister, I fell in love from the first moment I hugged and held her.
But both Jeff and I agree that we love them THE SAME. We love them equally and with all our hearts.
Jeff looked at me the other day and said, “I hope nothing tries to interrupt this adoption because I don’t think I could handle it.” We have BOTH fallen in love with these precious children and already call them our son and daughter.
It appears, on the business side of things, that we might get to have Christmas together with them officially adopted. We would have never dreamed for it to happen this quickly, but we are sooo excited!!! Normally there is a six month supervision period following the adoption paperwork, however, it appears as though the judge will be waiving that supervision period for us – which is incredible and often unusual. There is a possibility that this November I will see the judge sign the court order declaring them to be our children. [I am also preparing myself for delays because the system rarely functions totally smoothly.]
And what can I do but cry?! Thank you Lord for these precious children. They were born with us in mind. Thank you, Lord, so much.