Dear Big Boy,
As I put you to bed tonight, I cried.
You don’t like to go to bed and fight slumber with all your might. But as I rocked you for quite some time, you were finally lulled to sleep.
Your pudgy cheeks caused your lips to pucker as you exhaled the warm air deeply. Your chocolate eyes (which glitter with humor when awake) were sealed shut to the world with an occasional flutter.
And I wondered: How can I ever say goodbye to you?
I know you belong to someone else, but I wish you belonged to me.
I wish I could know you from now ‘til manhood when you marry and take care of your family. I wish we could know you through college – even if you brought lots of laundry bags along for the visit. I wish we could know you in high school as you studied, played sports and chased your dreams. I wish we could know you through middle school – as awkward as you might feel with braces and things. I wish we could know you in elementary school as you learn to read, write, and express yourself. I wish I could be the one to take you to your first kindergarten class. (You’re such a social guy – you wouldn’t even cry).
I wish we could know you forever big boy…I really wish we could.
Maybe we will know you, maybe we won’t. For now, I will stay in the present and stop looking so hard at the future.
We play a game you might remember someday…. I kiss your cheek and say, “You taste like bananas.” You then kiss my cheek and say, “You taste like grapes.”… We keep filling in the blanks for several minutes laughing hysterically at each spontaneous food the other tastes like.
It is moments like these I don’t take for granted, babe. I will always hold them near.
And I will always wish you could have been mine to know your whole life through.