Why do I choose to watch a TV program instead of pray? I can justify that we are all together as a family enjoying being with each other…Meanwhile, my soul is being pulled and pulled to spend time with Jesus… And I say no to that? Why would I do that?
Why do I choose to read an interesting biography rather than read my Bible? Why would I see the Bible on my table, see a book right next to it and then choose to pick up the book? Nothing is wrong with a good book, but why would I pick up a good book when I haven’t yet picked up God’s Word?
Why do I become a finger pointing Sergeant when we are running late for church or appointments? It is like I am running an army: “YOU, over there…you know who you are. Put your coat on for the third time! Where are your mittens?” Why does this come out of me?
Why do I keep asking God to forgive the same things over and over again? How many times have I asked God to forgive me for losing my patience or saying something rude? And let’s not stop there – my list could go on and on. I am well aware of my sinful heart.
It all reminds me so much of 1 Corinthians 13. I can do so many wonderful things. I can feed the poor, I can clothe the naked, I can bring strangers in. I can prophesy. I can teach. I can do this and I can do that. BUT IF I DON’T HAVE LOVE, IT IS LIKE A LOUD GONG.
In myself, I have nothing. NADA. GONG
In myself, I am a failure. GONG
In myself, I don’t have what it takes. GONG
But, I am stopping this pattern (even if it is the millionth time) of not doing what I should be doing. I am turning to Jesus again. I want my every second of life to be His… I feel the agonizing pain of my selfishness when I am not in the center of His presence. I lose His love when I am not with him. And I am tired of hearing the GONG.
Pastor Tim shared this morning on how truly awesome God is. God is infinite. His attributes are infinite.
As Pastor Tim shared, I held my tears back and felt the presence of God surround little old me. There I was – laid bare before my Savior.
I have done nothing right, yet God has been infinitely patient with me. He is infinitely loving. He is infinitely gracious.
Thank you Lord, that I can look to you and your infinite attributes, approach your throne (once again), drop my busy hands, and just say, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for it all.”
You love me back to You.