Pity Party Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Yeah, so I’m allowed to have a pity party once in awhile – right?

Just got done cleaning the kitchen and straightening up our living room and dining room.

Found lots of baby socks here and there.  Found remnants of baby.

I know I am not supposed to pity party.  I know I am “just” a foster parent.

But I sure loved having baby here.  My house is much different now.  Big boy is still the most wonderful blessing of a boy in our home.  We just miss the other part of him – his “baby sister”, as he so fondly calls her.  Baby didn’t cry much, but there is a strange silence in these walls.

I never knew big boy apart from baby.  I know them as a “set”.

And I feel the missing piece.  I miss having her here with us.  I miss big boy reaching over to kiss her hair (as we taught him).

Please don’t judge me for getting attached.  That is what I was made for.  I was made to fully love and never hold back.

This is just one of those moments where I feel a pit in my stomach.  The having held and no longer holding.

Yeah – I know God has this all in His hands…  I am just having a pity party and missing the precious jewel of a baby as I feel her absence.

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6 Responses to Pity Party Wednesday, November 11, 2009

  1. Becki & Darryl
    Oh, Dana, how I wish we lived closer so I could hug your neck. There is strength in vulnerability, as well you know. Of course we don’t judge you for getting attached; I pray you don’t judge yourself. Who could not get attached to such sweet tiny folks? Praying for you, your hubby, and big boy.
    Wednesday, November 11, 2009 – 08:15 PM

  2. Melissa Opatik
    Your allowed to have a pity party…your allowed to feel sad, angry, lonely, a pit in your stomach…that’s what mothers feel at many times. You wouldn’t be a mother if you didn’t feel the way you do, it’s only natural. It’s funny how you said that you know you are JUST a foster parent, that’s so far from the truth! I know you were being a tad facetious, but still. You are a mommy, and emotions are part of the blessing. You are a WONDERFUL mommy my friend, allow Jesus to speak to you throughout every emotion in your mothering. It’s amazing what He teaches us. Love you.
    Thursday, November 12, 2009 – 08:18 AM

  3. Melissa Opatik
    P.S The way Baby is looking at you in this picture is so sweet. Your a gem Dana.
    Thursday, November 12, 2009 – 08:20 AM

  4. delena
    Hang in there, Dana. And by all means, have your pity party!!!! Good greif. You’re greiving. That’s how we were made. And you’re right. You were meant to get attached. Please, please don’t hold back next time in fear of what might come down the road. Give yourself wholeheartedly. God will renew your strength and your ability. Hang in there, darlin’!
    Thursday, November 12, 2009 – 01:21 PM

  5. Cortney G.

    You have such a sweet, caring heart-exactly the way God created you. Of course you care deeply for and are attached to both of the children. That’s what makes you such an amazing mother. God sees all and knows all. He has great things in store for you and Jeff. I will continue to pray for the two of you and big boy (as well as baby).

    Thursday, November 12, 2009 – 06:11 PM

  6. Cherita

    You are a wonderful mother… and this is exactly what mommies do! I know that God will give you the strength to make it through as this is only the beginning. You not only bonded with “baby” but she shared a special bond with you. Your heart will only grow to be able to love more and remember the love that you have and share with all the special children that cross your path!

    We love you and will continue to pray for you all!
    Thursday, November 12, 2009 – 06:24 PM

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