Today was a beautiful day for us. We are one step closer to becoming legal guardians of TD! It will be a process likely to culminate in September of this year.
Prior to moving into our home, TD had a weekend visit with us. The purpose of the visit was to see if she might feel comfortable being placed in our home. In the midst of that weekend, we learned that TD was up for adoption.
Within a month of her living with us, we were ready and willing and excited to make her our official daughter. She is a great girl who simply fits in our home. She is part of us and we hope we are part of her as well.
Ever since December, she received calls about once a month with a LIST of prospective adoptive parents. The adoption worker emphasized that this was not common at all. She mentioned that TD had really become a child that many people were interested in meeting with hopes to adopt.
Each time her adoption worker called, TD would tell her she was not interested. She asked her adoption worker to continue calling her when prospective adoptive parents requested to meet her, while simultaneously trying to figure out if she wanted us to adopt her.
I can tell you that from our perspective, we knew we were loving with risk. We would love her as a daughter and she could choose not to have us in her life as parents. Seems weird to me, but we were actually in the position to need to be chosen in this situation. Usually the kids have no choice and the parents are in charge. But here we were, wondering if she might or might not choose us.
It almost reminded me of a dating relationship, especially at the beginning. It is not that we were anything different than ourselves with her, hoping to make an impression… It wasn’t anything like that. It was more just the sheer fact that there was no stability as to what the future held. There was nothing holding her to commit to us. It simply had to be her choice.
About two weeks ago, her adoption worker met with her and brought up the fact that TD continually declined prospective adoptive parents. Bridgette communicated to her worker that she is happy living with us and wants to stay with us, but the word adoption is TOO permanent. She is so close with her birth family – and we COMPLETELY understand this. We have always told the agencies and her on occasion (as not to pressure), that we would love to be in her life to the extent that she would have us. Whether that meant adoption, guardianship, or remaining foster parents. We would just love for her to stay with us.
The adoption worker discussed the options for TD’s future and TD requested that we become her legal guardians.
Guardianship is best described as a little bit of adoption and a little bit of foster parenting – all combined.
We basically become as a parent to her until she ages out. She has permanency with us. We are committed to her and she is committed to us. She basically becomes as a daughter to us, but she doesn’t change her last name and when she turns 19, it is up to her whether or not to continue our relationship.
She will never be our official daughter, but that has never mattered to us very much. As long as she can be like a daughter in our hearts, that is what matters.
We understand her decision and we happily support it! And we are honored she would make a decision to stay with us long term.
She is doing great and we are proud of her.
And – we love her.