For years we prayed, cried, and sought after God for our own children. Every time I saw J play with children, whether belonging to relative or friend, my heart expanded. ‘Look at how much they love him,’ I would smile to myself. I could almost picture family time in our home, Jeff throwing children in the air, the glee of laughter, and me in the background saying, “Be careful! These things always end in tears!”
That is the picture of J and me. He is the easygoing guy that everybody loves and I am the tightly wound person that every easygoing person is married to. Ha Ha!
Laughter aside, it was a hard battle in our minds to understand why we couldn’t have children. It just made sense…We were meant to be parents. How do you live in a land of good desires that are not part of what God has for you in the present time?
We have a wonderful church family that prays for us to have children… Most touching to me was the time a mother told me her daughter prayed for us every night at bedtime “that God would give us a baby.”
But, especially, my mind goes back to the time I found out a young woman was pregnant. She did not have her own home, did not have a husband, did not have a solid job. After finding out, J and I got into our car to drive home. I burst into tears. I didn’t even have a moment to speak my grievances to God as to WHY this was not fair before He intercepted my cry and quickly spoke to me, “D, the reason you have not had children is BECAUSE you are under My protection.” God spoke to the center of my heart and turned the tables on my thinking again.
To be outside of His protection means carrying burdens that were not meant for me to carry. To worry about provision. To wonder what we will do next and how we will make it another day.
But to be inside His protection means to have joy in the midst of the storm. The day may be stormy, but I don’t have to exist in the rain. It means I am covered under the shelter of His wings. I can know He is close to me and covering every detail. I can stay simply put under the protection my Father.
As Corrie Ten Boom states so clearly: “The center of His will is our only safety – let us pray that we may always know it!”