I have had several people mention to me that they would like to hear how we are doing. Honestly, there has been a bit of activity here at our house and I haven’t been great in keeping up with this blog. Also, I like to write from my heart and not feel overly rushed…which makes for longer lead times in updating this blog!
I am doing pretty good over here. I have found myself to be a little extra tired lately even though Baby J is sleeping quite well at night. I assume that’s due to the baby growing in my stomach! I also find myself getting a little edgy at times. I have never been a perfect angel as a mom. Yes, I do raise my voice at my kids even though I hate that about myself. Yes, I do lose my patience and show it in my face and tone of voice. I have to remind myself, on the other hand, not to be too hard on myself as most normal moms struggle with these same things and I also have a bit extra hormonal energy surging my system. Sometimes I will think I am developing more impatience and really it is me needing to be aware of my pulsing hormones and to not trust my feelings at the moment. Hormones are not an excuse, but I also don’t need to tell myself I am a bad person either!
My husband has been a saint! There are areas of the house I normally handle that he has been covering for me. Having a newborn, being a little over 6 months pregnant and two young children can be tiring in and of itself. Trying to keep up on our roomy house is a whole other level! I do what I can and Jeff has been able to help me with the rest. He especially helps me keep up on the laundry. He washes, dries and folds the laundry and carries it to the second floor so I can put it away! All the laundry! He often helps with dishes and has even helped me do a detailed vacuum on all three floors on occasion. He is the BEST cleaner and if only he could do everything in the house, you would all be amazed at my spotless home (which is not something I can say for my house at this time)! 🙂 He has now created a ritual for me on Saturdays. I don’t have to do any dishes on Saturday. On Sunday morning, he cleans every dish from Saturday and cleans the kitchen for me. I kind of smile at him when I put a plate on the counter on Saturday. I tease, “Oh yeah, I don’t have to do the dishes today!” He always says, “That’s right!” He is such a great husband and I am so grateful for him!
Little Brother and Little Sister have been doing really well. We feel like we are seeing yet another level of “improvement” with Little Brother. We went through a season of him getting his name on the board every day at school. We were consistent in how we handled it and did everything we knew to do. It was stumping us quite a bit that he wasn’t seeming to connect the dots between his behavior and consequences. Then, Jeff started waking Little Brother up early every day for school to do devotions with him. He would read out of The Message Kids Bible and say a prayer with him. He has not had his name on the board one time since starting this routine. We have seen his focus and obedience improve and he has begun to mature before our eyes. I used to think it would take years before he would stop kicking, hitting and biting us. Now, I am amazed at God’s work in his life! He is a normal boy! We have to tell him to stop half of what he is doing, but that is pretty normal for boys. Ha!
Little Sister has become quite the personality over here. She always had a little bit of spunk in her personality. But, wow, is it starting to really bloom! She has begun to reason things out with us and we are teaching her perimeters on what is appropriate to discuss with parents and what is not. For instance, if I tell her to do something, it is NOT appropriate to tell me she is not going to do it. LOL! She can be a bit smart for her britches sometimes, but is equally just as adorable. We know this testing of her limits is part of her normal development as a three, going on four, year old. As long as we are consistent, we will see her bloom into a polite little girl and still keep her cute spunk! She has a soft spot in her daddy’s heart and I will often hear her ask Jeff (in front of me), “Daddy, can I have a piece of candy?” Or fill in the blank with something they assume I would say no to at that certain point of the day. So funny!
Baby D has been kicking away. For so long I didn’t feel it when I was told I should be feeling it. Then, all the sudden, BAM BAM, BAM BAM BAM. I felt kicks! I feel them often now, though I don’t chart them. I still find it so hard to believe I have a baby growing in my stomach and it is all really happening. Something I had hoped for so long is now actually happening! As of now, we have not had one complication in this pregnancy and I can only give praise to God for that miracle!!! It is hard to believe I am only a few more months away from giving birth! I am due April 3rd, but who ever delivers their baby on their due date?! It could be a full three months more and then we’ll have four on board! Wow!
As for Baby J……
Right now as I type, Baby J is sleeping in a bouncy chair on the dining room table to my right. He sleeps in perfect peace, one edge of the blanket next to his cheek and his opposite hand over the other half (the way he likes it). He is full of smiles, coos and giggles when awake. His personality is coming out more and more and he has been such a delight to have in our home. Jeff loves to talk baby talk with him and has become buddies with Baby J. Little Brother and Little Sister love having him here and have often admitted to me that they hope he can stay. I always tell them I hope he can stay too, but we just don’t know what will happen… I am aware that my hopes are quite selfish compared with his unknown future and all God has for him. Understandably, my hopes are limited to what I can see now and not to the big picture of what all God has for the remainder of his life.
He had another visit with his family last night. For the first time I felt separated from my emotions a bit. I was somehow able to leave him there for 4 hours and do things with Little Brother and Little Sister and not feel overly emotional about it. I think part of the reason I handled it so well is that I aware of the facts of his case. No matter how things look on the surface at the visit, I am aware of how much work has to be done for him to be able to go back to birth mom. I will not go into details at all. It is just a general statement that there is a lot to be done. The only trump card is his extended family and if they want or are able to bring him in. So, I knew that after those 4 hours were over, I would get to pick him up and bring him home and he would be with us for quite a bit longer.
The other thought I had, regarding feeling emotional separation during his visit yesterday, kind of scared me. I remember feeling this way when Big Boy had to leave our house. Somehow, God was able, by His grace, to allow me to emotionally separate from the idea of him being with us forever when he had to go. I still loved and cherished him as much as ever, but was somehow able to let him go. It was clearly a miracle God did in my heart. I had the fleeting thought last night that maybe Baby J is going to have to leave us soon and God is preparing my heart. I have no facts to base that on. I don’t even know if that fleeting thought is accurate! I just know it scared me because I can’t imagine our family without him. I know God fills in all the healing we need when children have to go, but I still can’t imagine my arms without Baby J in them! So, I was scared at that thought, whether Dana derived or not.
As usual, we place our trust completely in God KNOWING He holds ALL things in His hands. There is no other option and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
So, that is pretty much a brief snapshot of what is happening in our home and lives at this time. I am so grateful for all God is doing!!!